When we are little girls we never know the outcome of our lives, especially our love lives. All I have ever known is what I have seen on television and that made me believe that all love stories ended with happy endings. There would be a woman or girl who loved a man or boy and for some odd reason they were separated. In the end they both fight through the turmoil to reunite and live happily ever. Sounds believable right? Well I once was a believer until my love life became quite opposite of the image I saw on television. An image that made love seems possible. Well now it seems so impossible. After experiencing several brutal break-ups and now a divorce, I just don’t believe that love is on my side. I might sound bitter but I feel that I’m speaking the truth. If I have to go through all of this loneliness and heartache to find that one….I don’t want to. I can only focus on the present and I don’t know what the future holds for my love life. So I just give up and say that I don’t “do” love or should I say love doesn’t “do” me.
I so suck at this love thing that I have hit the off switch on my feelings and will never give them to anyone else in return ever again. Not good right? I know but I don’t know how else to be. I must admit secretly, I do want to find that special someone. I listen to Beyonce’s 1+1 and it gives me faith but then I go home to an empty bed and reality hits me. I’m alone! I don’t have someone to love and I’m scared to let someone close to me. Oh my gosh here come the waterworks…yes I’m crying. I’m just so tired of feeling empty and alone….I want my prince in shining armor to ride in and swoop me in his arms and we live happily ever after. But I realize that love is nothing like what television portrays, so I guess I’ll just wait my turn. I just hope I don’t get scarred to bad until that time comes because I might miss out on my Mr. Right!
